Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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