Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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