saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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