I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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