is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Randomize
