My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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