I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
