I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
