I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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