I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
