Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
