Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
