I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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