i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
