He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
be right there i have to get my cape
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
