I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
time to smoke my breakfast
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
