i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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