when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize