I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
is wine microwaveable?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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