Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
