My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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