I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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