carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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