she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
