please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
