your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
