I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
