Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
