I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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