I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
