Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
did you just send me my own nude
Everclear isn't food dammit
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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