My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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