Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
