yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
