Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
