Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
