I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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