Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
