hotel room ftw
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
