all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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