Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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