And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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