Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
