I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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