my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
