maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
