On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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