he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
