Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
