I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
