You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
