Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
