Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
