I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i was born a porn star she said
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
