your room smells of hookers.
And success
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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