somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
