I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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