I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
