So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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