How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
