Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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