I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
