It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
