My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
