my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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