New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
