Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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