Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
