well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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