I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
