You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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