But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
