Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
